Fit, Fabulous, Feminine Women Everywhere

BY: Tara DelloIacono Thies

I was enjoying breakfast and some quality “girl time” with a few friends after our Saturday morning run when the conversation took its inevitable turn to body and diet and the foods that seem to exist only to sabotage both. Get a few women together, and they are bound to start comparing diets, workouts, and body parts. Unfortunately, these conversations do little for anyone’s self-esteem and fall short of supporting the whole-body approach to wellness, which starts by feeling good in your own skin.

I sat back, listening to my friends bash their strong, fit, and truly feminine selves and realizing with sadness that not one of these intelligent and beautiful women was completely happy with her body. Each friend criticized her own body’s imperfections, obvious only to herself, as needing improvement. I visualized it as a poker game: “I’ll take your straight hair for my J.Lo booty.” “And I’ll see that booty with my double Ds for your olive skin and high cheekbones.” Each of us wanted something she didn’t have or to change something she did.

If the only way you think you will ever love your body is by changing it, think again. Wellness from the whole-body approach starts by accepting who you are and discovering your own unique shape. You may lament that shape today, but it is what makes you beautiful and unique. Who wants all beauty to look the same? How boring! Approaching exercise and eating right from a place of acceptance can lead you to love your body enough to take care of it. And maybe that acceptance will keep you from hating your body so much that you feel you need to torture yourself with hours at the gym and tireless dinners of salad and pretzels.

After berating their bodies, my morning running group took to their diets. Mind you, all these women are fit and healthy eaters. Everyone had two cents of nutrition advice: “I never eat butter, too much fat.” (Never butter? Not even a little bit?) “I feel so guilty when I eat pasta, so many carbs.” (Guilt over pasta? But it fuels your long runs?) It depresses me to hear women who generally have healthy habits associate shame and guilt with their food choices. We all deserve the pleasures of good food and healthy eating. Once we realize this, we are better able to savor foods and associate feelings of delight and satisfaction with moderate portions of foods we enjoy. The first bites are always the best! An occasional indulgence should come from bliss and not trigger shame. When you treat yourself to an occasional pastry, take pleasure in each bite because you know its not a delicacy you choose often.

At this point in our discussion, I made a suggestion: “Let’s erase the beauty standard and start fresh! Throw out all your fashion and fitness magazines representing unrealistic, unhealthy notions of ideal beauty. Get rid of ideas of should and shouldn’t with food, and replace it with a more positive approach. Let’s set beauty standards that respect individuality and celebrate real, confident, and healthy women who exercise because it feels good, who eat right because we enjoy it, and who indulge every once in while. It is really okay to eat chocolate cake and ice cream without feeling guilty. You have too much good work to do to waste time with worry over the size of your jeans or a number on the scale.” The girls looked perplexed, as if this was an impossible goal. Then one friend spoke, “You know, we’d probably all be a lot happier.”

As I tell my friends, adopting new standards and accepting yourself today will pay off immediately. In the short term, you will have more time for what is really important in life and less time to worry about never achieving a size 0. And ultimately, you will have more confidence and feel better about yourself most days. But don’t expect your outlook to change overnight. Tomorrow an airbrushed bimbo on the cover of a magazine may stare you down at the newsstand, tempting you to feel bad. Just look away and remind yourself that you know better. Don’t hold yourself to unreasonable standards. But take baby steps to loving yourself, and over the long term, this road will lead to a happier, healthier you.